Posts tagged ‘Cabinet Office’

October 7, 2013

Cabinet reshuffle expected this week

by philapilus
English: More clowns at Clown School

The new line-up pose for a photo at No.10

Rumours of an anticipated cabinet reshuffle have heightened, after Chloe Smith and John Randall stepped down from their government posts on Sunday.

The two signed a joint letter of resignation, saying “Dave, you are a twat. We know you were going to axe us, so we’re off. Go fuck yourself with a splintery broom-handle.”

Although the Prime Minister has been relatively secretive about when the reshuffle will happen, a Westminster source says that the likely recipients of certain posts are “obvious really. It’s a no-brainer.” The expected changes include the following:

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April 16, 2013

Big Ben to go on strike during Thatcher Funeral

by philapilus
English: The Big Ben, London, view from across...

“I’m actually now considering ringing as loud and hard as I can throughout the whole fucking thing.”

It has been announced this morning that Big Ben will remain silent throughout Margaret Thatcher’s funeral tomorrow – but not for the reasons which had been previously stated.

John Bercow had told MPs that the world-famous bell in the Palace of Westminster’s clocktower, and the Great Clock itself, would both be silenced as a mark of respect for the former prime minister.

But the clock and bell made a joint statement, shortly after reading Bercow’s comments, saying “We strongly oppose the attempts of pernicious forces in Westminster to silence the real motivations behind our aniticipated silence tomorrow. We can not remain silent over the silencing of our intended silence.

“We wish it to 

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