Posts tagged ‘Britain’s got Talent’

June 24, 2015

Britain’s Got Talent screened to migrants at Calais as deterrent

by philapilus

Guaranteed to cut immigration down to the low levels Britain enjoyed when Beadle’s About was on the telly

The government has announced mass screenings of Britain’s Got Talent in Calais, as an ’emergency deterrent’ to the migrants trying to force their way on to vehicles bound for Britain.

As strikes brought traffic on the French side of the tunnel to a standstill, hundreds of migrants massed and tried to board stationary lorries and even force their way into family cars.

Immigration minister James Brokenshire said “These poor fools don’t realise that whilst Britain’s welfare system is relatively attractive, these isles are a cultural wasteland of despair. Exposure to Britain’s Got Talent is an excellent way of

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June 11, 2012

Romney raises slightly more money than Obama in one month

by unpseudable

To be fair, the rent for this place is pretty high

Last month Republican Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, proved himself empirically better than President Obama by taking more in campaign funding. In May Romney took in an overwhelming $76.8 million, compared to the incumbent’s paltry $60 million.

“Well, this just proves it doesn’t it?” Said Romney’s PR guru, Gary Uru. “Romney’s better than Obama. $16.8 million better. Oh yes. Suck on that Democrats!”

However, Obama’s team were quick to issue a statement. “Well, that’s great for them, isn’t it? Well done. However, it would be remiss of us not to point out that Obama still exceeds Romney in total campaign funding by, oooh, I don’t know how much. About 70 million, say. Oh, and you know what? We’ve got George Clooney onside – that’s right, George Clooney! Have you seen Ocean’s Eleven? How cool is he?”

Romney’s team were quick to respond, stating, “Well, that’s one way of putting it. Another way is to say, at least we don’t have someone who was in Ocean’s Twelve backing us.

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