Posts tagged ‘Boris’

November 13, 2017

Gove ‘backs Boris’ as easier to get knife in from behind

by philapilus

“I’ve just run over some children!”

Michael Gove has said that he is “getting behind the foreign secretary 100%” as “it will give me a much clearer target when I drive my wraith-knife between his shoulderblades”.

Gove, who won the coveted Oleaginous Little Shit of the Year award in 2016, made the comments on Andrew Marr’s self-important show.

Marr, seated upon a sofa shaped like a cloud, and

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July 28, 2015

Breaking the law “fine if you don’t know you’re doing it” says Boris

by philapilus

He used the same excuse when he murdered those gypsies too

Bungling London mayor Boris Johnson has defended giving his wife a ‘backie’ on his bike, saying that “Breaking the law doesn’t count unless you are fully aware you are doing something illegal.”

After being filmed carrying his wife on the back of his bicycle, Boris was said to be angered that people were accusing him of breaking the law, telling reporters “Bloody ridiculous, how can you break a law if you don’t even know it’s a law?!

“You couldn’t break a, you know, a – a thing for flowers, thing with flowers in, vase, that’s it, vase! You couldn’t break one of those without knowing it was a…hang on. No that’s not the same, is it?

“But you

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October 11, 2012

Boris Johnson is 2012 Nobel Laureate

by philapilus
English: Mayor of London, Boris Johnson poses ...

The parasitic symbiote enveloping his head tells Boris what to do

The world’s most prestigious literary achievement, the Nobel Prize for Literature, has seen its fair share of surprise winners, but in a move that critics are calling “long overdue”, the 2012 laureate is none other than the Mayor of London.

The accolade, which has been awarded in the past to such varied luminaries as Gunther Grass, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Winston Churchill, was expected to go to Haruki Murakami whose exquisite meditations upon life have made him a household name, at least in households which own his books.

Boris Johnson was not even considered to be a contender, and his writing has not often been taken seriously. Which is also true of his speaking, his presenting, and pretty much any instance in which he is ever considered in any way at all whatsoever.

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May 2, 2012

The main candidates – key facts

by articulatedsheep

On the eve of election day, we bring you a summary of key facts about the key main candidates for London Mayor.

TMB is grateful to Lynton Crosby for providing this information to us.

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May 1, 2012

Editorial: Mayoral Election

by philapilus
Extensive bomb and blast damage to Hallam Stre...

In all fairness though, not all of the Wetherspoon's bars are quite as smart as this one.

The Morning Babel’s complete inability to decide who would be the least totally fucking awful choice for Mayor of London leaves us in the position of not being able to dictate to you who you should unquestioningly vote for, which is of course the point of mighty news organs such as ours.

This failure on our part notwithstanding, we do want to take the opportunity to congratulate a sister newspaper, the Evening Standard, for its incredible ability both to come out in support of a candidate (Boris), whilst maintaining the objectivity to ridicule publicly the arguments for supporting him.

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March 23, 2012

TMB Film: Reviews from the the leading Mayoral candidates

by philapilus
Silent Single 8 Movie Camera

"The talkies" are becoming almost as popular as books or chamber music recitals

Ken: “I’ve just seen Passport to Pimlico – and it’s great!”

First we caught up with ex-Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone to ask him what film has most impressed him recently…

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March 15, 2012

“I just don’t understand politics!” shouts emotional Boris

by philapilus

For God's sake, people; how did you not see this coming? This buffoon thinks chicken feed costs a quarter of a million pounds

Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, admitted in an extraordinary outburst yesterday that he had actually never understood politics, and had no idea what any of it meant.

Boris made another of his trademark gaffes in a New Statesman article last month, when he lambasted an annual St Patrick’s Dinner celebration held at the unbelievably posh Dorchester Hotel as “lefty crap”.  

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