Posts tagged ‘Bob Geldoff’

June 16, 2016

Brexit naval battle signals beginning of hostilities

by philapilus

Sadly neither Geldoff nor Farage was injured in the carnage

The war between the Leave and Remain campaigns has finally started, after a major battle on the Thames between the navies of the opposing sides.

The Leave flotilla, under Admiral Nigel Farage, sailed up the Thames towards the Houses of Parliament, where they planned to take the government by surprise, bombing the Palace of Westminster into the water and taking the Prime Minister captive.

But the Remain fleet, bravely led by Commodore Bob Geldoff, met

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September 10, 2013

Bob Geldoff to be shot into space “Where he can do no more harm”

by philapilus
bono speak

Please God, PLEASE let this man be next

Campaigner and nasal whiner Bob Geldoff will be launched into space next year, as part of the Space Expedition Corporation’s plan to get rid of the 100 most annoying people on the planet.

SXC spokesperson, Percy Spoke, said “Firstly, about the fact that our initials are SXC instead of SEC; yes, we know. It’s fucking retarded. But our CEO insisted his 11-year old son be allowed to handle the marketing strategy, and apparently adolescents think things are cooler if you stick an ‘X’ in.

“Anyway. We have come up with a very exciting plan to get rid of every egotistic rich wanker we could find, and to that end we have devised our exclusive ‘space tourism’ programme, codenamed ‘Heffalump Trap’.

“Basically our

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February 29, 2012

More experts enter Falklands fray

by philapilus

Following the intervention of actor-turned International Relations expert Sean Penn, celebrity and self-styled ‘Better-than-Beethoven’ musician, Roger Waters, has also weighed in with his fantastically well-informed views on the Falklands debate.

The ex-bassist for Pink Floyd, a band famously typified by drug-use, insanity and self-absorption, Roger Waters is clearly extremely well-qualified to comment on issues of sovereignty and post-colonial relations and peace-keeping.

Not only did he write ‘The Wall’ (you know, Floyd’s fourteen hour long whinge, the lyrics of which make ‘Ummagumma’ sound like fucking Shakespeare), but reportedly  he also nearly managed to destroy the band with his acrimonious and egomaniacal power-mongering.

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