Posts tagged ‘Bashar al-Assad’

October 21, 2013

Everything now brilliant in Syria

by philapilus
A basic gel fragrance air freshener.

It still smells a bit chemical-weapony in places, so the Foreign Office is advising British holidaymakers to take their own air fresheners. Otherwise it’s basically fine.

Everything in Syria has calmed right down, and everyone is very much going about their daily business with a contented smile, according to a new report published today.

The United Nations-commissioned report confirms that, by a bizarre coincidence, as soon as the world’s media stopped paying attention to things in Syria, the country’s civil war petered out, and hostilities gave way to ‘a general atmosphere of peace and love, sort of a bit like Woodstock, except nationwide, and without all the embarrassingly trite hippy sentiment’.

Author of the report, Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough Institute for Stuff That Doesn’t Stop When You Switch Off The Telly, said “It’s odd, but ever since

read more »

September 2, 2013

Obama: “What the hell does it take to please you people?”

by philapilus
English: President George W. Bush and Presiden...

‘Can you give me some tips please?’

President Obama is expected to address Congress this morning, and berate them for being “A contrary bunch of fucking jerks”.

Sources close to the president indicate he is at the end of his tether, and is likely to scream “What exactly is it you people want anyway?!” before beating his fists on the podium and throwing a tantrum.

Obama’s plan to use military force against Syria has met surprising levels of resistance, even amongst the preternaturally bellicose republicans, who claim

read more »