Posts tagged ‘Argentina’

August 20, 2013

Cameron “thinking of nuking Spain and Argentina”

by philapilus
David Cameron at the 37th G8 Summit in Deauvil...

Seriously, just you fucking dare…

David Cameron is said to be on the verge of “bombing the shit out of Spain And Argentina, if they don’t shut up about our overseas territories”, after suffering severe backache during his holiday in Jura.

The prime minister said he had seen a doctor and been told he had a protruding disc, which may require a painkilling epidural injection.

“I’m basically a ball of pain and rage at the minute,” Cameron told the BBC, “I have a phenomenally bad back, and it’s a bore. Plus I’ve just been told they might stick a sodding giant needle into my fucking spine! 

“If any

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July 8, 2013

Miliband: ‘Backwards is the new forwards’

by philapilus
Neil Kinnock at the 2007 British Council Stude...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

 Ed Miliband confirmed today that Labour would continue using a time machine to revisit the 1970s, as part of its attempt to defeat the tories at the next general election. 

Miliband’s comments came after a carefully-orchestrated party-union row over the nominations for a candidate in Falkirk, which experts say “Have catapulted Labour back into the strong position they enjoyed throughout the 1970s and 1980s.”

The brilliant strategy adopted by both

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April 2, 2012

Britain and Argentina are all like squaring up and shit

by philapilus
Badge of the Falkland Islands Defence Force

Britain has got like a well good blinging new earring.

At morning break today, Britain and Argentina were eyeing each other aggressively across the playground. Britain had his arm ostentatiously around the Falklands, and was nibbling her earlobe, whilst looking across to make sure Argentina was watching.

Argentina was doing his best nasty squint, and pointing at Britain and dissing him to his crew.

Asked to comment on the likelihood of international conflict, whether by use of conventional force, or through aggressive diplomatic actions, Britain was all like “Man, he is looking at my ho, and shit. I is gonna bang him proper if he don’t stop it, innit? I is gonna bang him good, and he won’t get up.”

But Argentina was going like “If he thinks he’s hard, man, he can like come and have a go, innit? But I is ready for him this time. She’s meant to be my bitch, innit, and I am gonna lace him, I am gonna lace him till he’s done, a’ight?”

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February 29, 2012

More experts enter Falklands fray

by philapilus

Following the intervention of actor-turned International Relations expert Sean Penn, celebrity and self-styled ‘Better-than-Beethoven’ musician, Roger Waters, has also weighed in with his fantastically well-informed views on the Falklands debate.

The ex-bassist for Pink Floyd, a band famously typified by drug-use, insanity and self-absorption, Roger Waters is clearly extremely well-qualified to comment on issues of sovereignty and post-colonial relations and peace-keeping.

Not only did he write ‘The Wall’ (you know, Floyd’s fourteen hour long whinge, the lyrics of which make ‘Ummagumma’ sound like fucking Shakespeare), but reportedly  he also nearly managed to destroy the band with his acrimonious and egomaniacal power-mongering.

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February 16, 2012

Penn demands end to colonialism

by philapilus
English: Sean Penn at the premier for Milk at ...

If only more people prepared for a career in International Statesmanship by doing make-believe in front of a moron with a camera...

Sean Penn has today demanded that “so-called ‘Americans’ leave the continent of North America immediately.” In a scathing assault Penn claims “The continued existence of the United States enshrines imperial barbarism of the highest order.”

The anti-colonial outburst at a Press Conference this morning was addressed not only to the US government, but was, said Penn: “Also addressed to all of you fucks who claim to be ‘American’ but can’t directly trace your ancestry via an unsullied bloodline to one of the Native American tribes; you make me sick. And I am one of you. I make me sick. God, I hate you. And me. You know what? We make me sick.”

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