Posts tagged ‘Andrew Marr’

October 12, 2015

Andrew Marr is not really allowed to park his fucking green scooter outside the front door, say BBC chiefs

by philapilus

“I don’t give a fuck” said megalomaniac Marr

Senior staff at the BBC have said that Andy Marr has “positively absolutely definitely NOT got permission to leave that stupid green scooter outside the front fucking door.”

The revelation comes after compliance officers investigated complaints that Marr has a God-complex.

On reviewing footage from the opening sequence of the Andrew Marr show, they notice

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March 25, 2013

BoJo mauled by Eddie Mair

by philapilus
Boris Johnson

Surgeons say they may not be able to restore Johnson’s broken face to its former, rugged handsomeness

Mayor of London Boris Johnson is understood to be fighting for his life after being savagely assaulted by the BBC’s Eddie Mair yesterday.

Mair was drafted in to interview the charismatic politician, due to the continued absence of a recuperating Andrew Marr.

“He seemed a good choice,” said a BBC senior executive, “no one really knows much about him at the corporation, but he’s always been quiet, kept himself to himself, and, more importantly, his name is spelled very similarly to Marr’s. We thought he could do a spot of filling in, you know, no problems.”

But viewers were shocked as, instead of welcoming Johnson to the show, Mair hissed “I am going to eat your skin, fat boy!”, then

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June 13, 2012

Clegg “finally to show backbone” by standing up to Cameron in pointless, ineffectual way

by philapilus
English: Nick Clegg, Leader of the Liberal Dem...

Receiving a bit of career advice; Clegg said this informal chat helped him immensely

The deputy prime minister, Nick Clegg, will today do everything he can to confirm speculations about how utterly impotent he is within the ironically named “coalition” government.

As the fate of  Jeremy Cunt completely fails to hang in the balance, Clegg has ordered the Liberal democrats to abstain from a pointless vote about whether or not the Hulture Secretary will be referred to the adviser on the ministerial code.

The ministerial code, a huge leather-bound manuscript, kept locked away and defended with terminal intensity by Keith Richards wearing a pirate hat, is a laughable list of things which ministers should try not to get caught doing.

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