Posts tagged ‘Africa’

December 6, 2013

Obituary: Nelson Mandela, by George Galloway

by philapilus
George Galloway

‘It’s not all about me, you know’

English: Nelson Mandela in Johannesburg, Gaute...


Like everyone else I was shocked and saddened this morning to learn of the death of Nelson Mandela, a man whom I can honestly say I admired almost as much as he admired me.

The passing of a titan from the world’s stage leaves us all the poorer, especially those of us titans remaining, and I want to take a moment to reflect on Mandela’s amazing life and incredible achievements.

“A man whose entire being was devoted to struggling for fairness and equality, a man who suffered for others, and bore his suffering in silence, a man who has fought and lived – whilst being willing to die – for an ideal” was how Nelson described me, in what

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March 25, 2013

Jolie ditches Brad for sugar-daddy Hague

by philapilus
William Hague cropped.

You can’t exactly blame her, can you?

Hollywood has been shaken today by a celebrity earthquake measuring 9.9 on the Richter scale, after it emerged that Angelina Jolie is leaving Brad Pitt for new lover, William Hague.

The A-list actress and the foreign secretary of the UK were due to travel together to Africa this morning, ostensibly to raise international awareness of rape in warzones.

But the star of such high art films as Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, admitted to reporters moments before embarkation that this was simply a ruse, and

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April 27, 2012

“Please please me like you used to” say Egyptian female corpses

by philapilus
Mummy of Queen Ahmose Inhapy

Phwooaarrrrr! Be honest; who wouldn't hit that?!

Egypt may be on the cusp of passing a revolutionary piece of legislation, dealing with a thorny area of morality no government has yet dared contemplate.

As the twentieth and twenty-first centuries have brought the world ever closer to full-scale zombie apocalypse, all kinds of new codes of ethics have had to be considered: when is it ok to shoot a toddler in the face? How many times do you have to repeat your father’s name with tears in your eyes before you decapitate him with your ornamental coal-shovel? When you flee the city, is it ever ok to leave behind your annoying son, the one you pretend to love as much as your daughter, (but who really just pisses you off, and drove you to have a vasectomy)?

But so far only Egypt has tried to develop a humane, enlightened policy to consider how Z-day will affect the issue of that strongest demonstration of love and affection; sex.

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April 19, 2012

“Anyway…it was coming right at me!” sniffs Juan Carlos

by philapilus
African Elephant in South Africa

If you don't cull them they might take over the world...

King Juan Carlos of Spain has made a sulky apology, after  going on a luxury hunting jolly to Africa at a time when his subjects are currently enjoying an unemployment rate of almost 1 in 4.

The monarch admitted he might just have been rubbing it in a tad,  but still tried to play down accusations that he maliciously shot an elephant on his hunt in Botswana – an act which has enraged the Spanish public. Just to put that in context, this is a nation of people who like nothing better than gathering around and watching men stab angry male-cows in the head.

Juan Carlos claimed that he had got lost on the motorway in Catalonia, somehow ended up in Africa, and had then been forced to shoot a crazed elephant that was charging at him, in order to preserve his own life.

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