Posts tagged ‘A&E’

November 13, 2013

A&E units to tell 50% of people to ‘piss off’, in NHS revamp

by philapilus
English: NHS logo

Not Helping. Sorry.

It was announced today that radical changes in the NHS will see A&E departments divided into two tiers, one where they’ll help you – provided you are about to die – and one where they’ll tell you to ‘piss off and just run it under a cold tap, or something’.

After years of the service being routinely abused and fucked up by successive governments, NHS chiefs explained that they no longer had enough money to convince staff to care.

Spokesperson Percy Spoke said “From now on, A&E ‘major emergency centres’ will only accept you provided you’ve

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September 30, 2013

UK children can’t hold their drink

by philapilus
English: Eric Pickles, British politician and ...

Why don’t our children want to be more like this?

There was public outcry this morning at the revelation that hundreds of children across the UK – many aged 11 or under – were admitted to A&E units last year, after drinking too much.

A BBC Radio 5 live investigation revealed that 6,500 under-18 year olds were admitted to hospital in total, of whom nearly 300 were 11 and under.

Minister for Communities, Eric Pickles, said “This is an absolute disgrace. When I were a lad of six I drank eight pints a day without throwing up once, because I made sure that I simultaneously ate around 70 scotch eggs, pork pies and

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