The US Navy has confirmed that the Carl Vinson strike group “could be pretty much anywhere”.
A spokesperson said “Look, when we said we were sending warships to North Korea we were expressing a sort of passing notion, not actual military tactics.
making no difference at all since 2012
Appearing on James Kimmel’s Late Night In-Depth Discussion Programme last week, 20th Century historian and ‘comedy’ ‘actor’* Tim Allen announced the upcoming publication of his new book about 1930s Germany.
Noted historical scholar, Allen, explained that his book details the day-to-day situation for ordinary German movie stars in the 1930s under the rule of Adolf Hitler.
After the FBI investigation into alleged connections between Russia and the Trump campaign became public knowledge yesterday, the White House responded “Oh look at that little puppy playing on the lawn! Isn’t he gorgeous??”
The significance of potentially myriad links between Trump’s camp and the USA’s main global rival have been dwarfed by other news, including numerous POTUS tweets about hippogriffs, a crayon drawing Sean Spicer made of a racing car, and the announcement that Trump’s son is to become a father later this year.
A mentally unstable man who climbed over the perimeter fence of the White House was stopped by agents and then taken back inside, the US Secret Service has said.
The septuagenarian, who agents said was babbling “Like the unholy offspring of a Nazi and an orangutang” was discovered with a backpack and a huge tub of wig-weave gel, wandering the grounds and screaming at his shoes.
People who have voted for something really fucking awful are not to blame when it happens provided the vote was only a protest vote, according to themselves.
Wendy Nailinthehead, who voted for an enraged baboon to usurp the office of President of the United States said “It’s not my fault that we now have a shrieking primate in charge of the country, waggling his turkey-neck and waving his tiny hands.
Pretend President Trump has suggested that God is responsible for the deaths of 18 people in the Southern United States after severe weather and tornadoes ripped through Georgia and Mississippi.
Trump previously cited God’s decision to personally favour him by stopping the rain during his inaugural speech*, explaining that “the weather from now on will reflect the Almighty’s positive feelings towards me.”
In a sinister twist to the ongoing controversy surrounding the president elect it has emerged today that Donald Trump has allegedly severed and kept the thumbs of several British politicians.
A source close to Mr Trump revealed that pictures Donald Trump had taken with Nigel Farage and later Michael Gove, in which both participants give the thumbs-up sign, were immediately followed by bloody dismemberment.
President elect Donald Trump has firmly denied being a Russian sleeper agent, insisting that he is as American as apple Sharlotka.
Speaking at a press conference yesterday, Trump excoriated Buzzfeed, CNN, the New York Times, and everyone in the world who had ever had a fleeting negative thought about him.
A country which this week decided its next president should be an ageing, insane moron has expressed widespread shock after a racist Facebook post went viral.
The plucky but little-known ‘USA’ had just held an election intended to find a leader imbued with the nation’s most quintessential qualities, resulting in victory for bigoted reality TV star and failed businessman, Donald Trump.