Macron pretends not to notice tyreswings and smell of faeces in White House

by philapilus


“No need to be afraid, that’s just the sun! See? The sun. SUN. Can you say sun? Nearly! Good try!”

President Macron has made a valiant effort to avoid embarrassing the American people by pretending not to have noticed that the current White House squatter is a shrieking baboon.


At a news conference today the French president stoically acted the part of a man doing politics with another world leader – rather than that of horrified witness to the rank den which the violently aggressive primate has made inside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Macron said “We have been having very… useful discussions. No, seriously.

“This is very much a normal encounter with another world leader, and not at all like living through a Kafkaesque nightmare filmed by Terry Gilliam and narrated by William Burroughs.

“And what country doesn’t have rope walkways and a pile of rotting fruitskins inside the official residence of the nation’s leader? No don’t answer that, it was a rhetorical question.”

Macron ducked successive questions about the new tyreswings and the all-pervading smell of monkey faeces in the West Wing, but shifted uncomfortably when Donald Trump started combing through his hair looking for juicy tics or dandruff to nibble on.

Having successfully bonded with the orange-sprayed maniac, Macron then went and gave a Total Boss speech to the US Houses of Congress in which he pointed out that whilst having a shit-spraying baboon as a leader is all well and good, it would be quite useful if Republicans and Trumpists could remove their collective head from their collective arse long enough to avoid the world going to shit.

Theresa May meanwhile has also had a very successful couple of days, and has written nearly a paragraph in her neatest handwriting about how nice it would be if the EU could just give Britain everything it wants and ask for nothing in return.

An aide close to the PM said “When she’s finished we’ll ‘accidentally’ lose it. I haven’t the heart to let her hand it over to the Europeans and watch them laugh in her face again.”



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