Donald Trump stoically shoulders blame for stock market turbulence

by philapilus
Image result for donald trump

Trump arriving on his space hopper

In a typical display of great statesmanship, Donald Trump has told America that he will personally accept all responsibility for the huge losses the US stock market has seen over the last two days.

Trump said “Remember when stocks were riding high and the economy was doing really well, and I explained how that was all down to me having been in office for 5 minutes, rather than long term effects of policies set in motion by the previous administration?


“Well it seems only fair that I now take on responsibility for what has happened over the last two days. What kind of degraded, shrieking egomaniac would I be to claim that all the positive things about our financial position were down to me personally, if I then refused to accept the obvious corrollary  that I must also be held accountable for when things don’t go so well?

“I would have to be a deluded incompetent buffoon to imagine I could walk around claiming godlike omnipotence and personal authorship of the country’s successes whilst wiping my hands of any unexpected downturns.

“Mea culpa.”

Meanwhile in an alternate timeline the handlers of the orange and bewigged ape which squats in the Oval Office spent an unpleasant day trying to avoid the faeces which it threw at them whilst frenziedly screaming and tugging on its own ballsack.

Aren’t you glad you don’t live in that reality?







(This article appeared on the editor’s desk this morning after falling through a wormhole in the space-time continuum)



(photo from Gage Skidmore


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