David Davis’s Brexit Update

by philapilus

 

Hi everyone!

 

It’s David Davis here, back with some great news about the Brexit plans!

Now, I know some of you will have been confused by Philip Hammond’s recent comments, about how our relationship with Europe will be more or less the same – but let me assure all those of you who so rightly  voted Leave that this is NOT the case!

I have made sure Michel Barnier is well aware of just how important we are by sticking my fingers in my ears when he talks, condescendingly calling him ‘Michel Barmy-er’ (brilliant, eh?), and every time he asks our position on something I roll my eyes and say “Obviously we will only settle for the Best. Deal. For. Britain”.

He keeps saying “Mr Davis are you aware of just how important it is to…” and so then I go “LALALALALA LALALA LALA LAAAAAAAA!” till he shuts up!

Anyway, the important stuff we have agreed on so far is that things definitely won’t be like they are at the moment. In fact, old Barmy-er admitted that to me himself. Just last week he said “Mr Davis, I’m sorry but you simply will not have anything like the access and control that you currently have”, to which I replied “I know, it’s going to be much, much better isn’t it?”

He looked very sad which I put down to his feeling defeated by my brilliant bargaining style.

Anyway, Phil Hammond got it all wrong, I have Michel’s word, and in cabinet the other day Theresa told him he wasn’t to go around making all these positive statements off his own bat anymore.

That told him!

Anyway, I’ll be back soon, with another update on just how brilliant everything is going to be!

Toodlepip!

David D Davis MP

MP

 

 

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