Capsizing of Carillion is clinching argument for privatisation, say tories

by philapilus

HS2 will definitely still be awesome, according to No. 10 

Theresa May’s cabinet have roundly applauded the vindication of the capitalist system, after an enormous private firm supposed to manage billions of pounds worth of government contracts collapsed.

The compulsory liquidation of Carillon in the early hours of this morning – threatening the completion of massive government projects as well as tens of thousands of jobs – has been hailed as proof of the market’s intrinsic value for money, and the public have been encouraged to “shut the fuck up if they think they know better”.

Transport minister Chris Grayling MP said “This is precisely the kind of brilliant
set of circumstances that serves the British public so well.

“All the naysayers who criticised me for awarding this brilliant company new contracts despite the company’s own warnings of an impending gigantic profit hole will soon see how right I was to gamble public money brilliantly like this, because now market forces will come into play and make everything brilliant.

“And I intend to facilitate that by sitting at my desk and watching as HS2 and other major projects are fantastically saved by all those brilliant entrepreneurs and beneficent corporations out there. You wait and see, by the end of the week all this will be sorted.

“Brilliant. The knighthood’s in the bag.”

Meanwhile Labour decided to use the opportunity to savage the government by rehearsing anti-privatisation rhetoric which they found on a torn-out page of the Socialist Worker from 1972.

A spokesperson for Jeremy Corbyn, Percy Spoke, said “We could discuss the importance of properly overseen private/public partnerships, or, for e.g., not giving Chris fucking Grayling responsibility for anything more important than a goldfish.

“But instead we are going to bang on about how we should go back to the old nationalised industries which never, ever, ever went wrong.

“If some enormous shitstorm like this came up within a nationalised industry we would have sorted it out by standing at the edge of the black hole and pumping it full of all the gold in the Bank of England’s vaults.

“That would do it.”






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