Alabama slightly prefers Democrat to paedophile

by philapilus
File:Doug Jones Trees.jpg

Neither a paedophile nor a bigot, Jones won for reasons the Republicans cannot fathom

The State of Alabama has grudgingly accepted that it would on the whole probably be better if they were represented in the United States Senate by a Democrat rather than an alleged multiple sex offender and paedophile.

Democrat candidate Doug Jones beat notoriously bigoted ex-judge Roy Moore in a close race, which nevertheless proved that even the deepest of deep red states is capable of  saying “Now hang on a minute…” when faced with Republican scumbags.

Republican fuckwit Mitch McConnell said “Well, it went to a Democrat, which is awful awful news, but it could have been worse; it could have been the paedo, or a woman, or God forbid, one of the uppity coloureds”.

Orange White House squatter Donald Trump, who had thrown his support behind Moore after discovering he was banned from a mall (a sodding mall ffs) for preying on girls, tweeted “Victory for Republicans! Moore beats Jones! Jones; what a loser. Sad really. Turnout for Moore was biggest ever. Just so great. The greatest. All down to my support. Well done me. Democrat puppets lose again! MAGA.”

But website scribbler Steve Bannon (who for some reason has managed to convince people he is some sort of political strategist) said “You think this is over? This isn’t over. I will find a candidate with ten times the devotion to Satan than Moore ever had, and then he will take Alabama back for us.

“All hail Beelzebub and the White Man.”

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