Gove ‘backs Boris’ as easier to get knife in from behind

by philapilus

“I’ve just run over some children!”

Michael Gove has said that he is “getting behind the foreign secretary 100%” as “it will give me a much clearer target when I drive my wraith-knife between his shoulderblades”.

Gove, who won the coveted Oleaginous Little Shit of the Year award in 2016, made the comments on Andrew Marr’s self-important show.

Marr, seated upon a sofa shaped like a cloud, and surrounded by cherubim and seraphim, asked Gove about the clamour of voices calling for the resignation of Boris. A clamour occasioned by a typically fuckwitted blunder from the foreign secretary which actually increased the prison sentence of a British subject in Iran.

Gove, who currently holds the Total Bastard brief in cabinet, said “Look Andrew, we need to be clear about this. Boris should absolutely not step down.

“He needs to keep as still as possible, so I can insert my stiletto between his ribs and straight into his lungs, when the time comes. That way he won’t be able to cry out.”

Gove’s remarks were particularly telling given that the two men had rejoined forces recently to send Theresa May a memo calling her a total dick and expressing the hope she slips in the shower and dies.

Marr put it to Michael that sources close to him, including his wife, have called the DEFRA minister “an unhinged megalomaniac with a god complex and an empty cavity in his pigeon-chest where his heart should be.”

“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me” responded the little shit as he wiped away tears.






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