Australia “designed to kill you” confirm scientists

by philapilus
File:Acacia pycnantha Golden Wattle.jpg

The lovely golden wattle is the floral emblem of Australia, and spits a burning acid at passersby that has been described as ‘worse than napalm’ 

Biologists agreed this morning that Australia’s entire ecosystem has evolved to destroy any human who dares set foot there.

Confirmation came after a Melbourne teenager went for a dip in the sea on Saturday and came out with profusely bleeding legs, after being savaged by tiny sea lice.

Scientist Professor Hamish McEyebrau said “Bloody hell, we thought it was bad with all the great white sharks, venomous snakes, deadly spiders and enormous fucking crocodiles.

“Now it turns out even the microbiology is after you. Everybody needs to flee the country as soon as possible.”

But Australian Bruce Chunderer from the Institute for Lazy Racial Stereotypes  said “Strewth mate, I dunno what all the fuss is about. If you’ll take my advice just make good and sure to soak your legs with Fosters ice cold beer before a dip.

“If anything still bites ya and grabs on then just stick your leg in the barbie when you get out. That’ll see the critters off.

“She’ll be right.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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