I guess you could vote Labour? by Jeremy Corbyn

by philapilus
File:Jeremy Corbyn crop.jpg

About twenty per cent less up for this than he looks

Hi everyone, Jeremy here, with some advice for the very exciting upcoming general election – a snap election which is bound to cement my position as Labour leader!

My message is simple and sincere, and it’s this: you won’t necessarily be wasting your vote if you vote for Labour (although I should point out that this isn’t a binding promise).

If you fancy throwing an element of randomness into the horrible shitstorm that is the spectacularly uncertain geopolitical landscape, why not vote for me? I guess I could give the prime minister job a go, see how it works out. I mean, I’d think about it. My level of interest is about 6 out of 10, so pretty good really.

Our country is marked by horrible inequality and is lurching to the right as the dangers of nationalism, xenophobia, and prejudice take hold, but through a carefully nuanced rehearsal of 1970s Marxist ideology and factionalism I feel quite confident that we could start tackling these root problems at, well, root.

For instance, my first move on hearing that we have seven weeks to prepare for a general election was to try and ensure that your Labour MPs are not automatically reselected to stand, but have to go through a constituency trigger ballot, which is precisely the kind of local democracy we need.

Amazingly this was thwarted by the National Executive Committee! They wanted to focus on the election, instead of local party business, which I feel is very short-sighted.

Admittedly I’m not polling very well, but I think it is important to remember that capitalism cannot possibly survive the transfer of the means of production into the hands of the people, and I reckon we can almost probably achieve that if you give us a chance.

We’d at least give it a go.

So basically, consider getting behind us in June, and heed our rallying cry: ‘Vote for us! We’re not going anywhere!’

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