Theresa May: no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no ‘no-go areas’

by philapilus
File:2 Unlimited - 2016332013353 2016-11-26 Sunshine Live - Die 90er Live on Stage - Sven - 1D X II - 1770 - AK8I7434 mod.jpg

Philip Hammond will be joining Mrs May for the live performances. It won’t look like this.

Theresa May says she is fulfilling her long-standing ambition to break into the dance charts, after this morning’s surprise release of a version of 2 Unlimited’s ‘No Limits’.

Mrs May’s spokesperson, Percy Spoke, said “It was a brilliant bit of showpersonship actually. The PM was speaking to party activists in Nottinghamshire and she told them there are no ‘no go’ areas for the tories in coming local elections.

“She fixed them with a stare and repeated ‘no no-go’. Then she said ‘No no. No no no no. No no no no…’ and as she spoke the music faded up, and she suddenly ripped off her suit to reveal a tight glittery lycra costume underneath. The crowd went wild and suddenly she was singing at the top of her voice ‘NO NO, NO-GO AREAS!’, like that.”

Humphrey Chinnelflat, leader of the Youth Wing of the Nottinghamshire tories said “Yah it rally rally spoke to everyone, especially young people. One moment it was just brilliant, beautiful Theresa, total babe MP and PM, the next it was Theresa the Star, yah?

“I’ve always been a rally rally big fan of hers anyway, but I don’t mind saying I came all in my shorts.”

In May’s version of 2 Unlimited’s famous 1993 hit, the lyrics for the verse have also been changed, and the upbeat song now avers:

“No ‘no-go areas’, we’ll reach for the sky

We’ll beat up Corbyn, and piss in his eye

No ‘no-go areas’ just look at us fly

As we campaign on the veneer of a pretence that Brexit won’t be a complete and unmitigated failure.”

All proceeds from sales of the song will go to the central fund that the Conservative Campaign HQ are keeping in reserve to facilitate the relocation of all party members to the continent in 2019.

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