My new children’s books, by George Galloway

by philapilus
Untitled

Aaaaaaarr!

As I am sure everyone in the English-speaking world has by now heard, I am humbly offering yet another literary masterpiece of mine to the world’s readers – but this time, the little ones!

Yes, it is true, I will be writing a series of children’s books. Written by me, these books will feature a pirate creation of mine, Red George.

Having considered all the things that might be good for a children’s book, my giant intellect rested upon a little-trod narrative path: to whit, piracy! I feel sure this wholly original subject matter will entice and delight many young readers – educating them, whilst simultaneously elevating them, and teaching them how to live good ethical lives, like mine.

Red George will be a lone voice of sanity and morality upon the High Seas who – though largely misunderstood – is a darn sight better at piracy than his pirate arch-enemies, Captain Bliar, and the dread Blue Camerion. In fact he’s better at everything.

Even though Red George might never have been Prime Buccaneer like the other two, and his crew may be smaller, everyone agrees he is definitely the best pirate. All the people think Bliar is a twat, and Camerion is a ham-faced liar – although of course I have cleverly cloaked my astute human observations in child-appropriate language.

You see, dear fans, (and I am really about to blow your minds here): these books that I have written are really actually rather political! Yes, I will be the first person ever to have written children’s books that work both as literary masterpieces and as political primers.

So make sure that you buy these books (written by me), for your children, your friends’ children, and any adults you know as well. There’s a little something in these new masterpieces of mine for everyone. And I wrote them.

Yours in comradely piratical solidarity

George

PS Someone else illustrated them. I drew some bloody amazing illustrations, but my publisher said ‘George, these are great, but I don’t want you to get distracted from your writing, which is really just top notch. I mean you have so many other commitments as well…’ Thus the illustrations in my books are not drawn by me, but they are of course completely derivative and based on the words which I wrote.

 

 

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