Corbyn celebrates ‘historic win’ in Copeland

by philapilus

“It is the gulag for any who dispute our resounding success”

Jeremy Corbyn has exhorted subordinates to congratulate him for what he called the “historic victory in the Copeland by-election”, after the Tories took the seat from Labour for the first time in 80 years.

Corbyn said “This is a huge victory for us. Make no mistake, comrades; the Party has never been in better shape! Long live the Party and the Great Drive Forward!

“By allowing the reactionary Tories to think they have won Copeland – a constituency full of subversives and counter-revolutionaries that we have slyly divested ourselves of – we have tricked them into a false sense of security.

“But the loyal Red Legion of Labour supporters will crush them mightily come the next general election.”

Corbyn also lambasted those who suggested his leadership might be at fault, calling them “plotters and saboteurs.”

He added “I am the Leader. The Leader and the Party are one. The Leader and the Party are the embodiment of the great historical imperative, the inevitable synthesis of the materialist dialectic. It is not possible for me to be at fault.”

Ukip leader Paul Nuttall, who also failed to win in Stoke-on-Trent, said “An international Zionist conspiracy, composed of Jews and non-Aryan elements, has momentarily halted my rise to Chancellorship.

“But never fear, the time of the ubermensch is here, and the Remoaners and the Heebies and all those who don’t belong to the White Race will be crushed under our jackboots.

“Never forget Lee Rigby! I was at Hillsborough! Look at this sad bulldog puppy, and vote for me so it cheers up again!”













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