Charles Manson ‘considering national security advisor role’

by philapilus
File:Manson-June-2011.jpg

Manson with his CV

A spokesperson for Charles Manson has confirmed that the 82 year old is considering Donald Trump’s offer to replace Michael Flynn as national security advisor.

Trump fired Mr Flynn on Monday, after it transpired that the White House was not going to be able to cover up the fact that Flynn had engaged in unlawful conversations with the Russian ambassador and then lied about it.

Manson’s spokesperson, Percy Spoke, said “Charlie is very, very keen. I think he’d be at least as good in the role as any of Trump’s other appointees.

“He could do the job from his cell in D Wing, or he could perhaps have some sort of day-release scheme. Just make sure he is locked up again by night-time though, because he is really fucking crazy.”

Trump is understood to have selected the octogenarian prisoner because he likes the swastika on Manson’s forehead, and shares the cult leader’s great desire to physically harm or kill people at the drop of a hat.

Manson is said to be at the top of Trump’s list, along with former CIA director General David Petraeus. Petraeus – hilariously – will have to get his parole officer’s permission if he wants the job, because he is on probation over a conviction for mishandling top secret material.

Percy Spoke said “I mean if you’re intentionally going to select someone who does irresponsible, bad things you might as well pick someone who does them spectacularly like Manson. Flynn and Petraeus are a bit mediocre really.

“Also we understand Trump is hoping he can have some of Charlie’s beard woven into his hair to thicken it up a bit.”

File:David H. Petraeus 2008 2.jpg

Petraeus shared classified information with his biographer, who he was having an affair with. He’s a safe pair of hands.

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