Breaking News: Toff slightly faster than other toffs

by philapilus

Sporting superstars

The world has been rocked to its very core today, after it was revealed that toff Prince Harry is better at running than both his toff brother Prince William and his toff brother’s wife, toff Princess Kate.

Royal Commentator Arthur Theremin said today “This changes everything. Black could be white, up could be down, 2 and 2 might make 17. This is literally the most important thing happening anywhere in the world.

“The US president’s attempts to undermine the judiciary, implement racist policies and allow the religiously insane to campaign for political candidates is frankly yesterday’s news.

“So is the dragging of a country out of an alliance it doesn’t understand because the Daily Mail says it’s the right thing to do.

“I don’t know how much plainer I can make this: Prince Harry Beat William And Kate In A Race.

“Mind. Blown.”

Royal family fan Wendy Nailinthead said “Ooh I do love the Royals. I love it when you see them on the telly and they look just like normal people. They probably know each one of us by name. I bet they don’t despise us at all when the cameras are turned off. ”


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