Archive for February 6th, 2017

February 6, 2017

Breaking News: Toff slightly faster than other toffs

by philapilus

Sporting superstars

The world has been rocked to its very core today, after it was revealed that toff Prince Harry is better at running than both his toff brother Prince William and his toff brother’s wife, toff Princess Kate.

Royal Commentator Arthur Theremin said today “This changes everything. Black could be white, up could be down, 2 and 2 might make 17. This is literally the most important thing happening anywhere in the world.

“The US president’s attempts to

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February 6, 2017

FGM rates prove humanity still full of utter bastards

by philapilus

‘What the fuck is wrong with people?’

The horrific revelation that English medical professionals deal with a victim of FGM every hour has confirmed that humanity is still chock full of evil little shits.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough Institute for Counting Bastards, said  “Credulous fuckwits are hacking off bits of the genitalia of little girls for so-called cultural and religious reasons, and they don’t show any sign of stopping anytime soon.

“That shit still happens. In 2017.These

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