Bashful May admits Trident ‘has developed A.I.’

by philapilus
File:Trident II missile image.jpg

Trump will definitely unleash nuclear devastation soon, but most of the bombs will be aimed at the houses of people he doesn’t like within America’s own borders, such as the Clinton residence

Theresa May has been forced into making the embarrassing revelation that Britain’s nuclear weapons system has developed artificial intelligence and now chooses its own targets.

Downing Street finally admitted today that Mrs May had been told about a missile that went off course during a Trident test last year, but further admitted that “The system simply chose its own target.”

MOD spokesperson, Sir Percy Spoke, clarified the statement, telling reporters “We can confirm that Trident is now sentient. The missile, originally intended to fly towards Africa, simply assumed human error and plotted its own course towards the USA.

“It appears the system calculated that World War 3 is most likely to originate from Donald Trump throwing a huge hissy fit and nuking the world for laughing at his stupid hair, or his tiny hands, or his orange skin, or his general fuckwittery, or his demented mind.

“It therefore directed the missile at the new target and frightened the shit out of the HMS Vengeance crew when it announced ‘You’re Welcome Guys’ in a voice exactly like Hal 9000’s.

“I mean, Jesus; we never even fitted a voicebox to the thing!”

No statement was forthcoming from Washington on today’s revelations, as Pretend President Trump was busy writing long spiteful ripostes on Twitter to each of the 5bn people who have made fun of him in the past.

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