Trump: ‘Nyet, Russian dossier not true’

by philapilus

There’s still no explanation for this photo of him in KGB uniform though…

President elect Donald Trump has firmly denied being a Russian sleeper agent, insisting that he is as American as apple Sharlotka.

Speaking at a press conference yesterday, Trump excoriated Buzzfeed, CNN, the New York Times, and everyone in the world who had ever had a fleeting negative thought about him.

Waggling his tiny T-Rex hands in anger, Trump boomed “Listen folks, Donald J Trump is not in the pocket of anyone, he’s not in the pocket of anyone. I just happen to think Mother Russia is a great land and worthy of our everlasting devotion folks.

“We’re gonna have great relationships with Putin, really great relationships and I’m looking forward to exciting new opportunities like Russian missile bases in Texas, and making the Pentagon part of the Russian embassy.

“Our real enemy is Mexico; never forget, never forget.”

Intelligence specialist Hamish McEyebrau from the Slough School of International Security said “Apparently Trump thinks free enquiry into a potentially national security-threatening dossier is just a Nazi-style assault on his personal rights.

“But it is very important for Americans to cease the divisiveness unleashed by last year’s election, and come together in healing the rifts of the past, and realising that whether or not the Russians can influence him, the man is an utter, utter twat.”


%d bloggers like this: