Pound plunges below ‘cheap sweet’ threshold

by philapilus

The once mighty quid is now worth less than a third of a ‘foam shrimp’

Sterling has plummeted to new depths this week, and £1 will no longer be sufficient currency to exchange for a single cheap sweet from the pick’n’mix counter.

Sterling flatlined on Monday morning after Theresa May failed to quieten Brexit nerves in a Sky interview on Sunday.

May was visibly drunk, and at times verbally abusive to interviewer Sophy Ridge, but insisted through teary-eyed despair that the government had a rigorous and coherent post-Brexit plan.

“We, we def’nitle know what I’m – what we’re – look iss gonna be finine.” said the PM, “Everyone can just eat potatatoes. Potatato for breakfast, one for lunch an’ for dinner, chips! Which is another name for pototat- for that thing.

“I hate you Cameron, you ruined my life!”

Professor Hamish McEyebrau of the Slough Institute for Studying Sterling, said “A pound coin will no longer be accepted as legal exchange for anything except a one pence piece. These are worth more, ironically, because you can use them to undo screws, meaning you might be able to nick some of the things you can’t afford anymore.

“However you can still use pound coins to unlock shopping trolleys and then steal them, which I urge you to do as soon as possible because you’ll need one to keep all your possessions in as you trudge the post-apocalyptic landscape looking for out-of-date pork pies.”



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