Corbyn relaunch to feature new hat

by philapilus

 

 

 

jeremy_corbyn

“Jeremy was worried the black one carried connotations of ostentation”

Jeremy Corbyn’s team has confirmed that the forthcoming relaunch of the labour leader will prominently feature “a new and extremely sincere hat”.

Tim Twanks, political advisor to Corbyn and original script-writer for 1970s comedy Citizen Smith, said “The hat is something we found in a charity shop. It cost £1, or £994 less than Theresa May’s leather trousers, proving that Mr Corbyn is 994 times more trustworthy and down to earth than the prime minister.”

The hat is beige, woollen, and has a discreet patch where it has been mended, proving, say aides, that Jeremy Corbyn will be a safe pair of hands with the economy, and will not frivolously squander national resources.

This will demonstrate a sharp break with other leaders, such as Tony Blair who had a solid gold crown made for himself, or David Cameron who wore a pointed wizard’s hat fashioned out of finest pig-suede.

Twanks also promises that the Labour leader’s relaunch will see Jeremy stand at his front gate each morning and deliver a two hour long exposition of policy objectives in relation to classical Marxist theory.

“Even if no one stops to listen he will bravely continue on, speaking to the pigeons and the slugs,” said Twanks.

“He’s like a latter day Saint Francis. But with a hat.”

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