£50bn Brexit fee to be recouped from post-EU money trees, say Brexiteers

by philapilus

The future’s bright, the future’s Brexit

Brexiteers have scoffed at the £50bn bill the UK could receive for leaving the EU, pointing out that the first cash harvest from all the  new money trees will easily outweigh this figure.

Michel Barnier, the EU negotiator, has warned the bill will arrive as soon as Article 50 is triggered, but anti-EU campaigners have insisted it’s ‘no big deal’.

Brexiter Wendy Nailinthehead said “£50 bn? Peanuts. We could afford five times that much without blinking an eye.

“Once we’ve left the EU and all the money trees start growing, we’ll be laughing. There’s nothing but heaps of cash and happy days ahead for us all. Except the immigrants who will be sent home, obviously.”

Brexiters insist that the gloom being spread by senior figures who know about economics and politics is just so much facts and figures and objective proof, and needs to be countered with a bit of optimism and Positive Mental Attitude.

Nailinthehead said “For instance, the robot nurse bush will fix the hole in the NHS even without the £350m per week Boris said we will get every week.

“That bush is going to be amazing, seriously. Apparently you won’t even need to water it, you just sit there and THUNK! A fully qualified nursebot drops out of it every 15 minutes!

“Also, I don’t reckon we even need that single market. If I need fresh fruit and veg there’s a grocers at the end of my road, and sometimes when the plums are bruised they’re cheaper than the market bloke’s anyway.”

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