Obituary: Fidel Castro, by George Galloway

by philapilus

Oh el Comandante! Sad, saddest of days that he should be taken from us! The tears that I weep know no stoppage, except to write this, for – great man that I am – I shall lay aside my personal grief to bestow upon you my memories of Fidel.

When Castro and I met I could tell at once that the tall, handsome, romantic, revolutionary figure I cut impressed him greatly. He could barely bring himself to look at me, feigning indifference to hide his jealousy.



File:George Galloway 2007-02-24.jpg

It’s not all about me








My powerfully sexual presence naturally would  have driven him to priapic engorgedness, doubtless shaming this Latin gentleman, and  I have long suspected this was why he was so rough on the gays.

But enough about me.

Castro was a tremendous judge of character, amongst other things, and one imagines that he held me in the very highest regard.

When he told me to give him a piggyback around his palace it must surely have been to demonstrate to his guards and servants that only by riding on the backs of giants such as myself had he got where he was.

The fact that he bade me strip naked beforehand was presumably to show to them my Adonis-like figure and enormous genital member, both of which shocked his staff at their own leader’s inadequacy – hence the mocking jeers that followed us as we chugged around the enormous complex hour after hour.

I think if Fidel is to be remembered for anything though, it must surely be all those glorious images on t-shirts (those handsome features of mine embossed in gold on the front of each) which I sent to him, and which I have no doubt he distributed amongst the poor and needy of Havana.

He will have cemented his image as one of my greatest supporters, as he handed those out to thronging, adoring crowds, which I imagine is exactly what happened.

Farewell Fidel, yet another witness to my greatness passes, but a new star shines in the night.

(Not during the day though, when the sun that is my face outshines all else.)


%d bloggers like this: