World disappointed as Trump protestor revealed to be unarmed

by philapilus

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[Edit.note: can’t wait till election finishes and we don’t have to look at this fat bigot’s face anymore]

The world admitted its enormous disappointment today, after it transpired that a protestor at a Trump rally had not brought a gun, let alone managed to get a few well-aimed shots off.

Austin Crites was tackled by security agents for waving a ‘Republicans Against Trump’ placard during the rally in Reno, but was discovered to be unarmed and harmless.

“I’m not saying I could ever sanction the idea of an assassination attempt,” said Pope Francis, Bishop of Rome, “But if Crites had, you know, just sort of winged Trump with a couple of rounds from a high velocity sniper’s rifle and put him out of action for a few days, it wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

The Queen also commented, breaking with the tradition of impartial monarchical discretion, saying “We wish it to be known that we would have been gladdened in our heart to hear that someone had finally filled that odious little shit with hot lead.”

Support groups were set up around the globe today for those who couldn’t cope with their disappointment that the fat, self-obsessed, egregious little turtle-faced shit is still alive, and astonishingly polling well.

But a spokesperson for Russian president Vladimir Putin said “Of course no shooter in Republican rally. Russian agents very good, stop anyone with gun getting close to Trump! We kill already 27 people to protect him last week alone. Is very, very important for Rus- I mean for world that Trump win.”

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