Tuesday 8th November ‘excellent day to borrow money’

by philapilus

Quite possibly this will all be worthless anyway, if we end up in the post-money, barter-based economy of Armageddon

Financial advisors have advised people seeking finances to borrow heavily this Tuesday.

Tim Twanks, Financial Advisor at Financial Advice Services, a financial advice company, said “It is our view that Tuesday 8th November 2016 is the very best day to take out an enormous personal loan, using your house or even your children as security.

“Because come Wednesday morning, everyone will either be too elated to remember you borrowed it, or they will be worried about much bigger fucking problems.

“There is also the strong possibility we will all be dead. Seriously everyone, go in deep with the loan sharks. Make the most of it while you can.”

The chances of global apocalypse occurring in the early hours of Wednesday morning have led many to promulgate similarly short-termist philosophies.

Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby said “I am nicking millions out of the collection plate, finding myself a leather-clad harlot from a house of ill repute, and renting a speedboat for a drug-fuelled tour of the Norfolk Broads.

“I figure that even God will be too relieved to look harshly on me if Tuesday turns out to be OK. Whereas if it doesn’t then a celestial spanking from the Almighty is still preferable to what comes next down here.”


%d bloggers like this: