Russia: ‘Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough ‘

by philapilus

Like a giant floating phallus

The Russian warships currently en route to flatten Syria have definitively proven how hard the country is, it has been revealed.

Russia’s deployment of a fleet is just the latest in a series of bold antagonistic moves, all of which have combined to make everyone think that Russia is really cool, muscly, and much harder than any other kid in the playground.

Military spokesman Ivor Neverhaditoff said “Foreign Minister Lavrov and President Putin such strong men, you must be very afraid. Very big penises. Their big penises so strong. Not gay or nancy boys. All the girls love Russian strong men.

“Putin has balls so big, he carries them round in wheelbarrow. Look at our ships, big like our balls.  You all think we cool now, yes?”

Meanwhile the West has responded to Russian aggression with the courageous and decisive counter-move of pretending the Spanish port of Ceuta has run out of fuel, and hiding behind the counter, so that the war fleet will have to go somewhere else to fill up.

Meanwhile Theresa May has bolstered the vigorous response by sending a whole 800 troops to Estonia where they will make faces at the 845,000 Russian servicemen over the border.

Major-General Sir Arthur Theremin, who will be leading the expedition, said “We might lob a waterballoon in their direction as well, but make sure that it lands just outside of their territory.

“That will really show them.”

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