‘Trump sacrifices’ mostly offerings to Cthulhu

by philapilus

Donald getting out of the bath

Donald Trump has spoken out against the parents of a dead Muslim soldier, after they accused him of never having made sacrifices for his country.

Ghazala and Khizr Khan, parents of US Army captain Humayun Khan, said Trump did not understand Islam or sacrifice, leading the Republican candidate to retort with a waggle of his jowls and a shriek of bestial rage.

Interviewed later whilst defecating copiously into a giant golden toilet, the Republican candidate said “Trump! Trump Trump Trump, Trump Trump! They think Trump doesn’t make sacrifices? Let me tell you, Trump sacrifices!

“I make sacrifices, people say I make the best sacrifices, people who know me know I sacrifice. Not time, or money, or a member of my family – because Trump is nobody’s fool.

“But every day I wake up, masturbate into my left sock, wear it as a glove, then kill a whole bag of frogs and place them on an altar to Cthulhu. I plead with him to make me his vessel on earth, and to fill my body with the velvet pink gas of His mighty soul, which smells pleasantly of cow flatulence.

“Believe me, Trump knows sacrifice. That Muslim; I don’t know, he probably was just a puppet with Hillary’s hand in his anus. But his sacrifice; one son. Well, I’ve sacrificed more frogs than he has sacrificed sons.

“Trump!”

Housewife Wendy Nailinthehead said “Over in England ‘trump’ is slang for breaking wind. Think of that when you look at that smug-faced wanklolly; every time he opens his mouth imagine a loud, stinking fart emanating.

“Somehow it really fits, doesn’t it?”

 

 

 

 

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