Judge falls asleep during Corbyn ballot hearing

by philapilus

The hat has really helped Jeremy’s appeal spread beyond the traditional Labour core 

The judge hearing the legal challenge against Jeremy Corbyn’s inclusion on the Labour leadership ballot paper has fallen asleep, it was revealed this afternoon.

Judge Fanshawe-Haines was hearing the case brought by Labour donor Michael Foster – who contends Corbyn should have to meet a prerequisite number of nominations, as does challenger Owen Smith – when he nodded off.

Bailiff Bill Laff said “We’d got past the excruciatingly dull opening statements, and were just starting to get into the arcana of Labour Party rules and the means by which the National Executive Council makes its decisions when I noticed his Lordship’s head start to nod.

“He woke with a snort, and did the thing where you cover it with a cough and try and pretend you’ve been awake all along, but then Mr Foster’s solicitor said ‘Automatic inclusion for the incumbent is mandated neither by rule nor by precedent…’ and he went out like a light.”

The impressive inability of the Labour party to refrain from publicly punching itself in the face – let alone manage to choose a leader, or, God forbid, act as a party of opposition – has led many critics to fall asleep.

Others however have simply died of old age, whilst waiting for the contest to start.

In the time it has taken Labour to organise a ballot, the Tories have seen one prime minister resign, a leadership contest, a new leader chosen then appointed as prime minister, and a new reign of unholy ‘fuck-the-poor’ terror begun.

Labour deputy leader Tom Watson acknowledged the crisis, saying “At this rate we are never going to get in, which we were definitely going to do really soon.

“This contest is literally the only thing keeping us from storming back into power on a platform of policies we found on a page torn from a 1973 copy of the Socialist Worker.”

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