Theresa May to quit leadership race

by philapilus

Arcane 1922 Committee rules mean that after May’s withdrawal the Tory leadership will pass automatically to the corpse of Benjamin Disraeli.

Theresa May is expected to withdraw her bid to become leader of the Tory party this afternoon during a Whitehall press conference.

After Andrea Leadsom quit the race this morning (leaving May as the sole candidate) there were murmurings from the Home Secretary’s camp that Theresa recognised she had been out-manoeuvred.

The probability that she will concede defeat this afternoon was all but certain by lunchtime, as her campaign supporters were seen binning the entirety of their promotional material and weeping.

A leaked email from Chris Grayling to close friend Charles Manson said “Theresa is the last woman standing, and she does NOT want to be seen as the one unfashionable person who failed to quit unexpectedly.

“If she had gone straight after Boris but before Crabb she would have secured a place in the history books. As it is tailing Leadsom is hardly impressive. Theresa needs to withdraw a propos nothing as soon as possible.”

But Labour have insisted May need not have bothered.

Angela Eagle, who has now made her own leadership challenge (to be withdrawn on Wednesday), said “Corbyn’s definitely going to be the last one without a seat when the music stops. Or rather, the last one keeping his seat.

“He’s doing it on purpose; clinging on until pointlessly quitting is no longer fashionable. Then he’ll quit. Pointlessly.

“He’s just one of those dicks who’ll do anything to vaunt how uninterested he is in fashion, because he thinks it makes him look like a cool freethinker. Wanker.”


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