Chilcott to head inquiry into moon

by philapilus

When you need something explained, even though it’s obvious, who you gonna call? JOHN CHIL-COTT! Dada-da duhdada…

In the wake of his report on the Iraq war Sir John Chilcott has been asked to chair another inquiry – into whether or not there is a moon.

According to the guidelines laid down for the inquiry, Chilcott has been asked to spend the next year producing a 300 page report.

He will, however, be given leeway to extend this to 15 years producing a document which will run to about 17,000 pages, if he so wishes.

Sir John said today “I am delighted to be asked to look into yet another extremely thorny difficult issue, and promise to do my best to come up with a report of the same quality and quantity as my Iraq one.

“Principally I will endeavour to make sure that the findings tally perfectly with what any layman could have told you after spending 30 seconds writing a post-it note, but I will spend several million words saying this.

“That’s my specialty.”

Meanwhile at a press conference today a weeping Tony Blair said that the moon was something that he felt very strongly about – more strongly than mere mortals could possibly understand.

He added “And because I feel so strongly, none of you get to question me. I am, as always right. Blessed be the name of Me. Thanks be to Me.”

The grotesquely rictus-faced Cherie creature then moved amongst the audience with a sack, demanding money from journalists for having been granted an audience with Tony, before the two drove off in a limousine full of banknotes.


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