Breaking News: Boris’s mum sends note excusing him from PM duties

by philapilus
johnson sicknote

Not suspicious at all

Boris Johnson’s mum has confirmed that sadly he will not be standing to be the next prime minister, and has sent a note asking that he be excused from all EU referendum fallout.

Johnson – who went very, very quiet after last week’s vote – has said that this is definitely nothing to do with Michael Gove screwing him over this morning.

He also said it is NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the fact that Cameron resigned and didn’t invoke article 50 himself, effectively making sure the next prime minister would be seen by posterity as the arsehat who split the United Kingdom.

Boris said “No seriously, I really wanted the job. This has nothing to do with machinations of personal ambitions going wrong, and I really wish I could stand. But my mum has sent this note, and I am going to have to sit this one out.

“And that IS my mum’s writing. I know it looks like mine, but it is definitely hers.”

 

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