EU Referendum: the final deliberation

by unpseudable
vote remain today

Fair and balanced reporting guaranteed *

As voters go to the polls, TMB asks two average members of the public on opposite sides of the debate to give their considered opinions on the definitely entirely valuable referendum on the UK’s membership of the European Union.


On the side of Leave is ordinary guy, Guy Ordinary:

“Look, I’m not racist or anything, but every single problem that this country is facing is entirely down to bloody immigrants.

“But that’s not why I’m voting Leave – not the only reason anyway. The main reason – the other main reason – is, right, do you have any idea what we pay to the EU every year? No, neither do I, but it’s definitely a lot.

“And do you know what we get out of it? No, neither do I, but it’s probably just a whole load of laws I didn’t vote for – like don’t repeatedly beat your head against a tree, which I did as a kid and it didn’t do me any harm.

“What was the question again?”


For Remain is normal human, Norman Newman:

“Leaving the EU will result in global catastrophe: the UK won’t be able to do business with anyone, and everyone will hate us.  Even more than they already do. The seas will boil, the skies will rain down blood and Trump will become US president.

“Or maybe we’d just find the economy hugely damaged, any savings in EU membership costs swallowed up by economic losses, and migration barely affected. Which, considering that in an otherwise shrinking population we increasingly depend on people moving to this country to support an aging populace, would at least be a good thing.

“But I’m no expert.  I’d rather let those we pay to spend time considering the facts and talking to actual experts decide – which would save us all a lot of time. And money.

“But ultimately I’m just voting Remain so that that massive wanker Gove might quit.”


* based on the respective values of the underlying arguments

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