Chinese fisherman has ancient book “proving” China’s moon ownership

by philapilus

See; it’s red and everything

China’s claim to own the entirety of the moon has been vindicated according to the country’s national media by the discovery of a 600 year old book on the fishing island of Hainan.

The document, belonging to fisherman Jackie Chan, has been offered as definitive proof of lunar ownership, as it describes how the Chinese were the first people ever to look at the moon.

The South China Times reported that “We saw the moon first and we bagsied it then officially. You can’t undo a bagsy.

“We went there first too. We have footage of Neil Armstrong landing and getting out of the capsule, which was filmed from the pre-existing Chinese lunar city.

“The Americans just pointed their cameras the other way so as to hide the fact that absolutely loads of Chinese astronauts were already up there.”

The book – and lunar film footage – have not been made available for scrutiny, but officials have given every assurance that both really definitely exist, and have been extremely explicit in outlining the penalties that casting doubt upon either will provoke.

Moon official Chuck Norris said “An international court ruling is expected to deny China’s moon claim in the next few weeks, but the international community will pussy out and do absolutely nothing in support of that decision.

“Which is just as well, because China won’t pay the slightest bit of attention anyway.”

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