Brexit naval battle signals beginning of hostilities

by philapilus

Sadly neither Geldoff nor Farage was injured in the carnage

The war between the Leave and Remain campaigns has finally started, after a major battle on the Thames between the navies of the opposing sides.

The Leave flotilla, under Admiral Nigel Farage, sailed up the Thames towards the Houses of Parliament, where they planned to take the government by surprise, bombing the Palace of Westminster into the water and taking the Prime Minister captive.

But the Remain fleet, bravely led by Commodore Bob Geldoff, met Farage’s ships and engaged the enemy at close quarters.

Sailor Tim Twanks said “It was hard to see through the cannon smoke, and many a ship went down to Davey Jones, but in the end we saw off the Farage armada.

“I saw Bob and Nigel fight at close quarters, cutlass to cutlass. It inspired us all to acts of great bravery. What warriors they are!”

Speaking about his victory, Commodore Geldoff smiled smugly and said “Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

Asked to comment on his fleet’s apparent defeat, Admiral Farage said “Jolly boats! Haha! I like marmalade on toast because Grandma used to get the one with the golliwog on. I did a poop on the poop deck. That’s right isn’t it?”

Spectator Samantha Furcup said “Whilst this was ostensibly a major confrontation between the two sides, it actually consisted of two self-obsessed wankers trying to get a decent photo op, and pretending to care about the fishing industry – which incidentally neither of them know a fucking thing about.

“The sheer levels of fuckwitted egoism meant that the whole thing was a massive defeat for both sides. The only positive outcome would have been if their vessels collided and they both drowned.

“Sadly not.”

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