Sir Philip Green demands commons inquiry consist of his friends

by philapilus

Sir Philip has demanded to be interviewed whilst drinking champagne on a lilo floating in an infinity pool

Billionaire Sir Philip Green has called for Frank Field MP to stand down as chairman of the inquiry into BHS in favour of one of his personal friends.

The former BHS owner said “How can the work and pensions committee hearing possibly be unbiased if it is chaired by someone who might not automatically exonerate me?

“The whole notion of being called to account by an inquiry made up of elected MPs is completely undemocratic and they should all be replaced. What’s next; paying taxes like all the shitmunchers?! It’s the thin end of the authoritarian wedge.”

Frank Field MP MP has attempted to suggest that Sir Philip has a responsibility to his former employees, after allegedly running the company into the ground and making a personal profit while BHS went bankrupt over its pensions deficit.

Meanwhile Labour’s spokesperson on corporate arseholes, Em Pee MP MP, has called for the retail mogul to be stripped of his knighthood and thrown into a vat of acid.

But Sir Philip has claimed the negative press and criticism of his actions is unwarranted and inappropriate for someone of his financial standing.

“You need to keep people like me sweet. I create jobs and help keep all the money in circulation. Except for the £1.2bn I gave my family in 2005. Or the £150m tax I am not paying in full because my wife lives in Monaco and I pretend she runs everything. Or the money I keep by not paying decent wages to employees.

“So a few old people won’t get their pensions: boohoo. You should ask my friends about what a fun guy I am at parties. That’s the real story here. I know Kate Moss for fuck’s sake.”


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