Officials warn of ‘terror and violence’ at Euro 2016

by philapilus

They just want to be close to the players – it’s easier to glass them that way

Football officials have issued a warning that Euro 2016 may be beset by violence, after it transpired that many England fans would be travelling to watch their team get knocked out in the first round.

Jacques Fromage, head of UEFA, said “The French police predict that the championship will be marred by terrifying acts of violence; with drunken Englishmen rampaging through towns, throwing chairs through windows, and beating up Johnny Foreigners, whilst singing ‘Vindaloo’ at the tops of their voices.

“We must be vigilant.”

England fans are expected to be relatively restrained, until defeated in their first match against Russia, frustrated and lairy after their loss to Wales, and then apoplectic after losing to Slovakia.

Fan Will Bashman said “I’m bringing several of my favourite knuckledusters, and a bottle that I managed to break into the perfect stabby shape. That takes some skill, you know. That’ll teach them to beat us at a game we hold as our national sport, even though we can’t play it!

“I’ve also had ‘fuck off frenchie’ tattooed on my forehead – although when I looked in the mirror it looked like the artist has done it backwards. I’m going to check with a friend, as soon as I find one who can read.”

But some people have suggested that it is not fair or accurate to say at the outset that England fans will necessarily be disappointed.

England manager Roy Hodgson said “This is scaremongering. You’re just basing it all on the assumption that we’ll go straight out, leaving fans aggressively disillusioned.

“I mean, obviously it’s pretty much certain that that will happen, but it’s not nice of you to just go around saying it.”

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