Archive for May 18th, 2016

May 18, 2016

Mortarboard scourge finally ended

by philapilus

You could have someone’s eye out with that

The perils of airborne mortarboards at graduation ceremonies have finally been curbed in Norwich, after the University of East Anglia bravely outlawed the throwing of these deadly caps.

Dean of the University Sir Richard Bucketface said “For too long have the students of this university and their proud parents been subjected to horrific wounds or worse during our graduation ceremony.

“Only last year there were fourteen deaths amongst recipients of the BA in Cheesewatching, one of our

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May 18, 2016

Queen sings Monkees hits during speech

by philapilus

‘Then I saw her face…’

The Queen surprised both houses of Parliament today when, instead of giving a dreary speech announcing a plethora of boring administrative government acts, she spontaneously burst into song.

After arriving and meeting the assembly with all the usual pomp and ceremony, Her Majesty stood up, ripped in half the speech that David Cameron had sat up all night writing for her, and performed a 90 minute concert of songs by hit 60s TV band, the Monkees.

The Lords and the Commons were initially stunned, but soon

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