iPhone battery lasts almost till lunch

by philapilus
File:IPhone 5.png

Get used to the black screen

A man’s iPhone battery has lasted for a whole morning without dying, in what appears to be an unprecedented example of longevity for the device.

Geoff Shovel charged his phone before going to bed, then again between waking up and leaving for work because it naturally ran out during the hour or so before he left.

But to his astonishment, the battery then lasted from 8:30 until 12:55 before the phone finally shut down.

“It’s a miracle,” said Shovel “I’m thinking it must have been invaded by some sort of alien nanotechnology, which somehow bonded symbiotically with it and massively extended the battery’s natural life between charges, increasing it by a factor of four.

“How else do you explain it lasting long enough for me to send seven texts and check the weather, as well as read a short article on the BBC website during my mid-morning bowel movement?”

Shovel’s iPhone was impounded when he left work by grim-looking men in suits from the Apple corporation.

He was told the phone would be returned once the freak energy spike had been fully investigated and the faulty product was able to run itself down in significantly under an hour, just like everyone else’s.

Percy Spoke, Apple spokesperson, said “It is not Apple’s policy to comment on Acts of God, but Apple promises to do its best to remedy this disturbing phenomenon.

“Batteries should warn you that you have less than 20% left after no more than half an hour, and should ideally be dead within the next two minutes.

“Blessed be the iPhone, and the sainted Apple half-life.”

 

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