Prince William reminded India is no longer a British possession

by philapilus

“No stay over there please, I can see you perfectly well from my carriage”

It has been explained to Prince William that the days of empire are over this morning, after he attempted to tell the Indian prime minister to “sort out this steel nonsense”.

On meeting prime minister Modi this morning, the prince handed him his coat and asked him to “go and fetch the viceroy chop chop, so we can stop you blighters ruining Port Talbot for everyone.”

After a hurried intervention by an aide, the perplexed William retrieved his coat, and addressed Mr Modi more directly, explaining that it was the duty of an Indian prime minister to get an Indian multinational company to save a Welsh town at the behest of a member of the British royal family.

This was followed by an embarrassing silence, and a sharp change of subject.

Sources close to the prince confirmed this morning that he has been given a new map to replace the one his grandfather gave him, which was printed in 1897 and covered in pink bits.

He has also been encouraged to stick to making platitudinous statements about how nice it would be if animals weren’t wiped out, rather than making embarrassing forays into politics.

But the BBC’s royal correspondent Wendy Nailinthehead said “This anti-royalism won’t do. Prince William and his wife have been doing amazing work in India. They have both done some excellent waving, some sitting in cars, and even a little bit of walking.

“And this morning Princess Katherine did a twirl in a dress worth more than the entire GDP of the small town they were visiting, which must have made the natives feel very lucky indeed.”


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