Labour plans weeklong campaign on the abolition of the Agricultural Wages Board

by articulatedsheep

Labour communications supremo Seumas Milne was reportedly “putting the finishing touches” to the party’s “week of action” on the abolition of the body that regulated wages for those in the agricultural sector, in the runup to Easter.

In a move likely to surprise commentators who might have expected the party to capitalise on the resignation of Iain Duncan Smith and open warfare in the Cabinet over Europe and cuts and disability benefits, Milne reportedly considers that there is “more long term traction” in a detailed dissection of the Government’s policies relating to the rural economy.

The outright conflict between Duncan Smith and the Chancellor, George Osborne, which led to this weekend’s resignation has apparently been simmering for some weeks. Cabinet sources reported that the two men have since at least Christmas refused to talk to each other or to exchange eye contact – even when making love.

Notwithstanding the opportunity this brings, Milne is said to be planning to advise Jeremy Corbyn to ask all six of his questions at Wednesday’s Prime Minister’s Questions about the impact on low-paid rural workers of the abolition of the AWB in 2013, and the gradual erosion of pay and conditions experienced since then, particularly amongst those working in the livestock industry.

David Cameron is understood to be planning to respond to all six questions by repeating them back to Mr. Corbyn in an exaggerated, sing-song voice as his fellow Conservatives laugh uproariously, and Labour MPs sit ashen-faced and silent opposite them.

Meanwhile, Mr. Cameron has announced Mr. Duncan Smith’s successor as Secretary of State for Work and Pensions. The PM reportedly had to “dig deep” to find a person as “personally objectionable” as IDS, but has apparently “struck gold” in Stephen Crabb. “‘Oh, what a relief’, people will say.” one source inside the Cabinet Office told TMB. “‘Instead of that bald, vampiric ideologue – by common consensus one of the stupidest people in the Government, which is saying something – we have this affable-looking, bearded Welshman!’ Of course, it won’t take long for them to realise that he is not only a gay-hating maniac who claimed nearly £10,000 for his second home on expenses – including £500 on a goose-down duvet – before ‘flipping’ his claim to his family home in Pembrokeshire, allowing him to reclaim an extra £9,000 in stamp duty – but also a ruthless sadist who prowls the streets of Westminster in the small hours setting fire to tramps. Happy days!” In the interests of accuracy, we should point out that the last part of that is, to our knowledge, untrue, or at least unproven at the time of publication.

There are approximately four years and two months until the next General Election.

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