UK delighted as HSBC says it can come off the naughty step

by philapilus

Happily, Selfless Bankers Care

Celebrations spontaneously broke out in the streets today, after HSBC told Britain that it had decided the country had learned its lesson, and so the self-styled gentle giant wouldn’t be leaving after all.

Percy Spoke, spokesperson for HSBC, said “As you all know, we very, very seriously thought about moving our headquarters out of the UK after you all stamped your little feet and demanded we be somehow ‘regulated’.

“But – selflessly – we have decided to stay and carry on looking after you. To that end you can come off the naughty step and go outside and play. Go on, run along.”

George Osborne said “We’re very very lucky. We could have got a really big spanking, and all those lovely bankers might have left London.

“They were definitely going to do it. It wasn’t just an idle threat to make us behave and stop pestering them with regulation.”

Samantha Furcup, a woman who thought about it for a second, said “Hang on. A bank said that us daring to ask them not to be bastards – in the wake of a world-shattering global crisis caused by bankers being bastards – was going to make them move abroad?

“They are going to leave one of the most culturally interesting, diverse, fun cities on Earth to punish us? Yeah I can just see them all moving to the North Pole just to teach us a lesson.

“If we are stupid enough to believe this shit we deserve the fleecing we will get from it in about two years.”

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