Death to have February off

by philapilus


Deserved: he has been a very busy boy after all

The Grim reaper has announced that he is going to have a quiet month, having worked extra hard culling some big names in January.

Death said “Having taken down actors Frank Finlay and Alan Rickman, musician David Bowie, and lovable highwayman Terry Wogan – amongst others – I really feel like I’ve earned some time off.

“I am going to spend February on a beautiful island paradise in the Caribbean, letting shoals of little fish nibble at my toebones whilst tanning my skull. It will be brilliant.

“See you all in March.”

The world’s celebrities breathed a collective sigh of relief, whilst everybody else breathed a sigh of relief on their behalf, and continued to ignore the deaths of a ridiculous number of people from man-made calamities.

But Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards revealed that he received a postcard from Death this morning saying ‘Looking forward to seeing you when I get back from holibobs’.

“He’s finally going to catch up with me,” wailed the rockstar “and I haven’t even lived my life to the full… oh actually wait, no I totally have. Fair play then, I’ll pop me clogs in March.”

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