Lord Farmer leads campaign to save British peers

by philapilus

It wouldn’t be such a problem if the Lords and Ladies didn’t have such a restricted diet, but unfortunately the only way they can survive is if you stuff hundreds and hundreds of these into their mouths

Senior treasurer of the Conservative party, Baron Michael Farmer, has unveiled a new campaign to save  endangered British peers, after his research revealed that the breed is almost extinct.

Lord Farmer said “I want to draw the nation’s attention to an extremely urgent issue; the paucity of the habitat for lords and ladies, many of whom are going so hungry that they may migrate from London for good.

“If the public knew that the only sustenance available to these noble creatures is a measly £300 per day, I think you would see a real outcry. I mean, for one of the aristocracy £300 is nothing; barely the equivalent of half a Mars Bar to the average Jocelyn on the street. No wonder the peers are getting scarce.”

Multi-millionaire Lord Farmer explained that if he and his friends weren’t selflessly hanging around the House of Lords brightening up the place with their pretty plumage, they could be hoovering up as much cash as they could fit in their beaks down in Monaco, or out in the shires.

He warned that Lords and Ladies might even take (private) flight to such places where the pickings are (literally) richer for these (not literally) poor, rare creatures, and urged the public to do all they can to ensure there is more cash available.

“Please, think of us Lords. When you’re walking along the embankment, why not string up your £50 notes from the branches of trees, so that we can dart out furtively, before taking the rustly paper back to our nests. I promise you will feel a real sense of satisfaction, and of making the world a better place.”

But Samantha Furcup, a person who isn’t an immense cunt, said “Hang on, is he really saying that his class can’t live off £300 a day, and we should pay more because they could earn more elsewhere?

“Why don’t they just fuck off and do that then? I reckon there are a lot of people who would happily sit in the House of Lords all day for free.

“What a massive fuckwit.”

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